Feminine Anger

Anger. There is no shortage of it. And I think we can all feel that. But the lack of acceptance of it has me feeling a certain sort of way.

It’s been said by many that the patriarchal society we live in fears a woman’s anger. To that end we have to suppress it some way. We have to shut it down. Men, of course do this, but the patriarchy runs deeply, generationally, and so women do their fair share of suppressing anger as well.

We push down our own anger because we are taught “There’s no use being angry.” And we came to that conclusion after being told to:

Calm down.

Let it go.

Don’t let them get to you.

Rise above it.


And don’t we love to blame any strong feeling on hormones.

Are you on your period?

I’m just hormonal.

Pregnancy Hormones


They are all to blame for our “irrational feelings.”

If you hear that enough, get dismissed enough, get blamed enough, it’s no wonder we don’t let ourselves feel the fullness of an emotion like anger.

Many of the women in my office hold back tears, minimize and hold back their emotional responses, apologize for laughing too loud or letting tears out. They cage themselves into a smaller, gentler version of themselves in microscopic ways. They have no idea they’re doing it.

And so I ask them if they have a hard time letting themselves orgasm.

Of course they do.

The reason for this is fear. What if the orgasm is too big? What if it’s too powerful? I have no idea what will happen if I really allow that to come in its fullness.

Along with orgasms, anger, sadness, rage, and even joy are all held captive in metaphorical jeans that are a few sizes too small. What if the anger consumes me? But darling, it already is. From the inside out, our anger eats at us. It takes things from us. But we hold it anyway. Anything to make others more comfortable around us.

There is a belief that women hold all of our anger, storing it up in the womb space for 28 days. And then we release it all at once with our menstrual bleed. That’s why your flow is heaviest on the first day, and that’s why your PMS symptoms might be so powerful. You’re finally releasing the stored emotion.

So what if you didn’t do that? What if you allowed yourself to release anger, judgment and shame-free as it came?

What if you allowed yourself that courtesy for every emotion, feeling, and orgasm?

Because the truth is, your emotions have purpose. Your experiences within your body are necessary and helpful communication. Feelings are the conduit for relationships—they are how we connect to ourselves, our higher power, and our people. And they won’t break you in half. You won’t burst from feeling too strongly. You are safe to feel fully.

And this is rather critical. This is why we need to allow for emotional release and expression every day, not just when we can’t take it anymore. This freedom would give way to healing, and power, and deeper connection and deeper love. Your body would be able to fill with love and light, rather than stored trauma, repressed anger, and anxiety.

That’s what you need. And just imagine what it could do for that world.


This piece was written and contributed by:

Jada Dobesh

Owner of Selah Space, Spiritual Healing Facilitator

Jada Dobesh is a Spiritual Director and the creator of Selah Space, a holistic wellness co-op in Sioux Falls, SD. In her work, Jada offers her clients the space and practices needed for holistic healing and sustainable wellness.

The verb “selah” means to take pause and notice, and to make space for what was said, and that’s a practice that Jada takes to heart. From Spiritual direction and reiki, to sexual health practices, and speaking to the divine nature of the feminine, Jada intentionally honors her client’s spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

When she’s not cultivating Selah Space as a place for people to come together to help one another become well, Jada is mama to Audrey, age 3 and Marek, age 1, and wife to Witt. Jada’s education includes Bachelor of Arts degrees in Clinical Psychology and Theology/Youth Ministry and graduate degrees in Christian Leadership and Spiritual Direction.


Instagram: @selahspacesd


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